im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Randomize
