What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
