If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
