I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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