At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Randomize
