I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
