Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
