just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
