i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
But theres a keg here and me gusta
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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