Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
