Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
