Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
