i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
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