i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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