dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Randomize
