So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
