if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
