Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
