Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
