smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
