Sry I called you an 8
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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