I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
