Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
