I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I want to fling myself into the sun
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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