Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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