I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Randomize
