Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
