All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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