So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
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