I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
