My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
This baby is an asshole
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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