Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I need a burrito and a hug.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
