You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
