her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
