two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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