I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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