God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
one might say we're banned from that church
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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