So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
