Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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