..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Every concussion has its silver lining
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
