here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize