My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
