We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
