my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize