my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
then he tried to convert me to islam
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
