I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Randomize
