Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
