So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
