Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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