Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Randomize
