Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
