Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
