I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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