your room smells of hookers.
And success
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
