I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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