Screwed.edu
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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