Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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