it was like his penis was on wheels.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
whose parrot is this?
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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