Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
