forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
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