Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
